There are days when I spend hours looking forward to having nothing to do. No appointments, no errands that can’t wait, nobody expecting me somewhere. Just a few hours that are completely mine. You would think deciding what to do with them would be the easy part.
Instead, I can find myself wandering around the house thinking about all the possibilities. I could go somewhere or stay home. I could finally get around to something I’ve been putting off, read, watch something, sit outside, start something new, or enjoy the rare opportunity to do absolutely nothing. Then somehow I end up doing none of those things. The phone comes out, I look at one thing and then another, and before I know it, quite a bit of that lovely free time has disappeared.
It seems ridiculous when the whole point was that I finally had a choice.
Perhaps free time comes with more decisions than we realise
Most of everyday life has some kind of structure. Even on days when there is too much to do, there is usually a next thing. Get ready, go to work, come home, make dinner, put something away, deal with whatever needs dealing with. We might not particularly want to do those things, but we don’t have to spend much time wondering what comes next.
Free time is different because suddenly there is no obvious next thing. When nobody else has decided how that time will be spent, the decision belongs entirely to us. That sounds wonderful, and mostly it is, but it also leaves us with a surprisingly big question: What do I actually feel like doing?
Some days the answer comes immediately. Other days I can think of plenty of things I could do and still have absolutely no idea which one I want to choose.
Having plenty of options doesn’t necessarily make choosing easier
I used to think the answer was having more ideas. Make a list of things I enjoy. Remember all those things I say I never have time for. Keep a few possibilities ready for the next quiet afternoon.
The problem is that a long list can become another list to work through. Read, walk, watch a movie, go for a drive, start a project, finish a project, cook something, call someone, go somewhere, stay home. They can all be perfectly good ideas and still not answer the question.
Perhaps that’s because the question isn’t really What could I do? I already know what I could do. What I’m actually trying to work out is What would feel good right now?
And that depends on the day. Sometimes getting out of the house sounds wonderful. Sometimes the thought of getting ready and going anywhere is enough to make staying home win immediately. Sometimes I want the satisfaction of getting something done. Other times the last thing I need is another thing to accomplish. The same person can have the same free afternoon and need a completely different answer.
A smaller question can be easier
Instead of trying to decide exactly what I want to do, I’ve started with something simpler: What kind of thing do I feel like?
Maybe I want something small and easy. Maybe I’ve been sitting around for too long and want to move. Perhaps I have the time and interest to settle into something for a while, or maybe I want something quiet that requires almost nothing from me. Starting there feels much easier than searching through every possible way I could spend the next few hours.
It also takes away some of the pressure to make the “right” choice. If I put something on and lose interest after twenty minutes, I can turn it off. If I go outside and decide I’d rather be home, I can come back. If I start something and realise I don’t actually feel like doing it, I can stop and choose something else. Free time doesn’t need to become another commitment.
Sometimes doing nothing really is the answer
There can be a strange pressure around free time, especially when there never seems to be enough of it. When a few hours finally appear, it can feel as though they should be used well. Even relaxing can somehow turn into something we’re supposed to do properly.
But there are times when I don’t need an activity. I don’t need to make progress on anything, have an experience, practise a hobby or turn an ordinary afternoon into something memorable. Sitting somewhere and doing very little might be exactly what I wanted the time for.
That doesn’t make the time wasted.
How my Dopamine Menu started
Thinking about all of this eventually led me to the idea of a Dopamine Menu. I wasn’t looking for another schedule or a huge collection of things I could be doing. I wanted a smaller selection to look at when I had time but either too many possibilities in my head or none at all.
I liked the idea of a menu because a menu doesn’t tell you what you have to choose. It simply puts some choices in front of you. The one I made for From Where I Sit Studio groups ideas by what might suit the moment: something small and easy, something to get you moving, something to settle into, or something quiet and low effort. There’s also room to add your own because what sounds good to one person might do absolutely nothing for someone else.
Making it also changed the way I think about those little pockets of free time. I don’t always need to work out the best way to spend them. Sometimes it’s enough to notice how I feel right now, choose something that seems to fit, and see where it takes me.
